So, why did I get married the first time?

Pretend you are in a crowded restaurant and that all of the patrons are choking except for you(you had the jello, they had the bony fish chef's special). Further that you are the only guy in the room that knows the Heimlich maneuver. A lot of times that what it feels like to be a JW. You are made to feel that every ones life is in your hands. that my friends is a lot of pressure.


And to make things a little more interesting, you are told on a daily basis that the world is going to end any day. How would you plan for the future? Would you go to college? would you get married? would you have kids? Would you want to bring children into a world that's about to experience Armageddon ?

These things weigh you down. They affect your every waking moment and every decision you make. you get into a state of mind that you must be doing god's will. That some how the big guy is calling the shots for you. you never learn to make the rational choices. you make choices that you think god wants you to. But the happy (or sad ) truth is, you are are on your own. The mistakes you make or those little victories are all your own.

So the bottom line is I got married for all the wrong reasons. And it nearly destroyed me. And i am not forgetting the lust factor. It definitely played a role; remember i thought i was going to die at any moment for i thought that there was no way i was gong to live through Armageddon. I wanted a life, and up until that moment I had not the opportunity or the tools to figure out what was important (to me at least).


I have a faith of sorts. Faith after all is believing in something you can't see or verify easily. So I believe that electrons are spinning around their nuculei. I have faith that an invisible force keeps me on Terra firma and not flying into space. I have faith in the basic decency of most human beings that haven't been misled by irrational magical thinking(religion in other words).
I even have a certain (probably misplaced) optimistic faith for the future, that somehow that my fellow hairless apes will finally get their act together.

I always felt that if i were lucky enough to have kids of my own I would try to raise them with an open mind and an open heart. I would never force a a particular philosophy down their throats after what happened to me. Hopefully they are free to pursue whatever path leads them to their bliss.

Tomorrow: The further adventures of Commander Zero and his Lost Planet Aethernauts

ADDENDUM:
It was pointed out that I neglected to mention that i am currently married and have been for 33 years. And Yes Linda I love you.

XXXOOOO