personal milestone

I recently passed a personal milestone. A pretty big one actually. As of November 23rd, I have been married 33 years! 33 years! Since I was 24 when I got married, that means I have been married more than half my life. Doesn't that seem like it should feel like a long time?Well to me it seems just like yesterday.In fact I think I still have a few boxes that I haven't unpacked from when I first moved in with my wife. In fact my marriage is the longest endeavor that I was ever involved with. How has it lasted this long? Why hasn't she killed me? Why haven't I killed her? (a more likely scenario). My wife is the second most aggravating female that I have ever come in contact with. The chances are that I will never get out of this marriage alive.

Lord knows that I am far from being a perfect spouse. I am, as the good book says: "an imperfect vessel" (or was that Poor Richard's Almanac, I never could keep those two straight). Never mind love, I obviously love the dear thing. I'm sure she could muster up a feeling or two for me. But what is it that makes the human animal want to cohabitate for all of eternity? I can remember back when my parents celebrated their 30 th anniversary I could not even imagine staying with one person for that long. When I first got married I could not conceive of staying around this long. I would imagine that most people could not think of a more mismatched couple. We have very little in common. We disagree on just about everything. We have been arguing about the same stuff for 33 years.

Now I admit that some of the stuff we argue about is pretty silly. For example: How do you pronounce the word fifth (5th)? I pronounce it a soft th sound, she pronounces it with a hard "t" sound. A minor thing you might say, but that woman has been driving me crazy with that for 33 years. Or how about the word kettle? On planet Linda that is pronounced "Kittle". That's right, kettle rhymes with spittle! Now that is just a couple things that woman uses to drive me crazy. A lesser man would have checked out ages ago. Marriage like old age is not for the faint of heart. But if all that weren't bad enough, I have had reason to believe that the woman is out to kill or maim me.

It all started about 25 years ago. I lying asleep in bed next to my bride when suddenly she whacks me in the funny bone with her elbow. I sit up in bed and yelp in pain. "What's wrong?"she asked. "You whacked me with your elbow" I said. Did not,did too,did not,did too etc. Next night same thing. Then on off and on for 15 years. I go to sleep, I get whacked in the funny bone with an elbow, she denies it. Then suddenly for the last 5 years she stops. For awhile each night I lay awake waiting for the "ELBOW OF DOOM". Every time she rolls over or moves I cover my funny bone. When will she return to her evil ways? I don't know, but I think she's lulling me into a false sense of security, then when I least expect it, Pow!

Now the elbow thing while painful is not really life threatening. I have learned to live with tingly numb fingers. But I have reason to believe that she has even more nefarious plans for me. I want to go public in case something happens to me. Tomorrow I will reveal to you the further machinations that she has mobilized against me through the years. I'll continue my tale of woe then, assuming nothing untoward happens to me.

Sign me :

Frightened in Dayton