Kitty Cat Terrorism

I had just gotten into bed for a daylight snooze. I adjusted my ear buds and pressed play on my iPod. My eyes were closed and my body began to relax. Just as I was attaining a level of peaceful relaxation here to fore unknowable by any mere mortal, I became aware of certain feline presence. It was our cat Tesla, (yes named after the famous Croatian inventor)he had jumped up on the bed and was circling me as though I were prey and he was a great fanged prehistoric stalking cat. I opened one eye and saw that he was sizing me up. 

He began pacing back and forth in a manner that seemed to be saying,"How dare try to sleep in my royal omnipotent presence. " Like some person much wiser than myself once said"Feed and house a dog and he'll think you are a god, feed and house a cat and he'll think he's god". My next thought was if I ignore him he will let me go to sleep. Naive on my part wasn't it? He then started head butting me repeatedly. "Silly human, how dare you ignore me, we have ways to get your attention"he was thinking(I speculate).  After that did not garner the attention he was craving he proceeded to jump on my chest. You'd think that a 10lb cat wouldn't bother a 300lb man would you? Au contraire mon amie! His little paws felt like stakes being driven in to my tender flesh. 

Soon he was walking in circles, causing me excruciating pain. Then he began kneading my chest like he was making a loaf of whole wheat bread.  Finally I relented, I began stoking his back, scratching his ears and chin and of course the feline equivalent of crack, I rubbed his belly. After about twenty minutes of my coerced ministrations, he promptly left my chest, only to cuddle up in my very vulnerable crotch area. There he stayed for another thirty minutes contentedly purring. Of course about this time I had the urge to go to  the bathroom. My bladder is not cat proof. I carefully moved Tesla from my nether regions and tip toed to the john. When I returned he was gone. I carefully closed the door  to prevent a renewed invasion of my now very sleepy personage. "Morpheus, where for art thou"I thought as I reinserted my self in to bed. Crisis averted. Tell the NSA to stand down.

Sign me:

Bullied by cats in Dayton(or cat 1 moose 0)

Emoose out