More Hotel Blues

It's been a while since I've done a rant about the wonderful establishment in which I am employed, so here goes:

1. Yes No Vacancy means that we have no rooms available
2. Getting your "noisy freak on" is not an excuse to wake everybody up in the place at 3:00 a.m.
3. When I say you must be 21 to rent a room that does not mean 20 years and 6 months it means 21
4. When I say you have to have a picture I.D. to check in, the "I left it at home in my pants pocket" excuse won't help.
5. Yes I can have the police escort you off the property and no I don't have to give your money back.
6. My name is not now or ever been any of the following: Bud, Dude, Bro, Pops, my man or Gramps
7. No, I do not have any condoms but if I had a time machine I would gladly give your father one about 35 years ago
   
8. No I cannot give you any recommendations on what porno to watch and no I don't care how many you order as long as you pay for them and you clean up after yourself.
9. Rolls and coffee is considered a "continental breakfast".
10. I don't care what you do in that room as long as you pay your bill, don't disturb the other guests or damage the property. And please by all thats holy, spare me the details.
    
11. If the windows on the second floor are vibrating your car stereo is too loud.
12. I am not your babysitter
13. Sorry: your boyfriend, Daddy , husband or baby daddy to the best of my knowledge is not registered here and even if he were I couldn't tell you.